I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the disconnect we have with our men during pregnancy. “You can’t be sick, you felt fine yesterday.” “Another foot rub?” Don’t we all just wish we could hook men up to those pregnancy stimulators or just for one day have them feel the symptoms of 1st trimester nausea? It would make the process of pregnancy a little easier for everyone. It’s not like we WANT them to feel our pain (or maybe some of us do) we just want them to have a better understanding of why we are asking for multiple foot rubs this week. Our bodies retain more fluid during pregnancy and our growing uterus puts pressure on our veins, which impairs return of blood to our hearts. Therefore, rub thy feet!
I can’t say ALL men are this way. Some are very attentive to our needs and have no problem picking up the slack around the house when we aren’t feeling well. There are even men on the opposite end of the spectrum, being too involved or too opinioned on what we eat and drink. No situation is perfect, but I think it’s important to give men a little more insight.
I know majority of my organic readers are women. Love you, ladies! Therefore, this COULD be a blog post for only us women to look at, laugh at, nod at, or perhaps… disagree with. Or you could nonchalantly pass this along to your significant other to read in hopes that they may gain a little more understanding of your wants and needs during these intense 9-10 months.
I took to Instagram the other week and asked, “what do you wish your partner did or didn’t do while you were pregnant?” I received over 300 (and might I add some seriously hilarious) responses to this. Based off of these answers, I created a few bullet point tips for our men to read in addition to some real quotes from you.
- Hormones are a bitch, and so is she.
The first trimester is an unexplainable time. Our hormones are at an all-time high and we are 100% not ourselves. Everyone has a different reaction to pregnancy, some get really sick, some get acne, and some scream and yell without any explainable cause. Hormones! Just remember, it’s not forever and this is NOT the woman you married or who you will be married to forever. It’s (hopefully) 12 or so weeks of an emotional rollercoaster, and then again when she’s about to give birth and post-partum. Understand that it’s the hormones talking and not your wife/partner.
“I wish he’d not make comments about me, “not feeling sick because I was just fine yesterday” as if every day of pregnancy is supposed to be the same. Plus, I’ve been super irritable this pregnancy so comments like that just put me over the edge.”
“I wish they’d understand how much of a crazy roller coaster of emotions we go through especially at the start and the first couple weeks following delivery it’s a crazy ride only women can handle.”
- Go to Daddy Bootcamp.
You’re not going to want to go to daddy boot camp, but your partner will LOVE you for it. You too are learning something new, just like us, about this next stage. We are not the only ones that will learn about taking care of a newborn, as you have just as much responsibility and role in this new baby’s life. Do the boot camp, read the baby books (they even have books that are enjoyable for guys to read) and attend the ultrasounds. Next to you holding our newborn baby, there is nothing more attractive to us than these efforts.
- She NEVER looks big.
This is probably one of the top disconnects. We have mirrors. We see the scale. We know we are growing a human and naturally gaining weight. But to YOU, we are radiant goddesses that could never not hear enough compliments. So, compliment often and LIE if you must. There’s no time for a hormonal self-conscious woman.
“I wish they understood how insecure we can feel with all the changes happening to our bodies. And they should remember to tell us we are beautiful more often during that time and after.”
- Plan date night or give her a girls night out.
Like all relationships, it’s so important to continue to date each other. It doesn’t have to be fancy or cost a lot of money, it’s just making plans and spending quality time together. In a few short months, you’ll be preoccupied at home with a newborn, spending all the time in the world on that couch. It’s not forever, but it can be isolating. Enjoy sometime as a party of two while you can!
Like date night, its equally as important to get her out of the house to enjoy some alone time with girlfriends.
“I wish he took more initiative to find or make moments of rest for me. Send me for mani/pedis or massage or facial, cook dinner for me and let me kick my feet up.”
- Massage our pain.
Honestly, this was probably one of the top requests that I received. To rub her feet! Of course, I personally didn’t have swollen feet, but I definitely could use a massage or three toward the end.
“Rub my feet!”
“I wish he gave me nightly belly rubs with Burt’s Bees Belly Butter. Helped me relax and sleep, plus it gave him time with the baby before he came.”
- Have sober occasions.
I can relate to this one big time. You think you are going to save money when you go out to eat since one person can no longer drink alcohol. Think again… he will order two or three glasses because you are the designated DD.
We are FULLY aware that we are no longer drinking alcohol. For some of us, we don’t touch the stuff for 10 months (to each their own) … but that doesn’t mean we aren’t sad about it or salivating over that delicious glass of red wine.
I’m not saying to become sober with us for 10 months, but perhaps enjoy a few sober occasions to be on our level.
“He didn’t stop drinking! I was always so jealous when he would crack open an IPA on the weekend. Now the second time around, I wish he would not drink a beer in front of me because the smell is repulsive and sends me to the bathroom.”
- Take initiative.
There’s nothing more attractive than seeing a man take initiative to get things done around the house. Whether that’s yard work, laundry, dishes, or putting the kids to bed without asking. Whether it’s the first trimester, third trimester, or fourth, (postpartum) we are exhausted from the constant body changes, newborn stage, and that extra weight we are carrying around with us.
“I would definetly want a little more initiative. Picking out nursery stuff or just making dinner one night. Less complaining about how tired he is after work would also be nice. But more physical involvement would make me feel better for sure. Something as simple as picking out a few car seat options or helping me find the new house we have to move into before the baby gets here so we can have more room. If im being honest, I want him to grow up!”
“He wouldn’t give in to all my cravings and run out in the middle of the night when I wanted something! In hindsight it’s a good thing because I wouldn’t gained so much more weight than I did. But damn, it was an emotional time for me and being told no did not help.”
- Take her Photograph
We can’t always capture the moment in a selfie, especially when it comes to photographing that baby bump. Take her photograph, without her asking, when she asks, and be OK with being included or not… this is not only memories for you and your spouse, but also for your child to have one day.
“I wish my husband had been more understanding of how sentimental the whole experience made me. He didn’t get wanting to take pictures even.”
I would LOVE to hear your feedback on these tips. Of course, every pregnant woman is different and a few subjects (like sex) I didn’t brush on because I received too many opposite answers. Bottom line, communicate to your men and listen to your women. Enjoy these amazing 9-10 months together!